"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
This statement can be true or false, depending on who's saying it. Who are they? How rational are they? How well do they know themselves? How is their self esteem?
The statement, if properly edited, could be universally applied to anyone. Maybe something like ... "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can only hurt me if I want them to."
What brought this up is that I was just involved in what could easily have turned into a fight. Mind you, I haven't been in a fight since 8th grade (which I sooo lost), and that since I became a Christian on 10/14/2001 I've vowed to turn the other cheek; so I'm essentially volunteering to get beat up.
Some friends and I just finished watching a movie. One of us needed to stop at Target to get some blank CD's. The rest of us waited in the car to discuss the movie. On her way out of Target, my friend declined the advances of a young man who was clearly plastered and looking for a good time. Properly shot down, the youth turns his woo's into insults which he yelled into the night about the promiscuity of my friend. This, naturally, did not amuse her husband, who exited the car to express himself proper. I decided to play peacemaker and exited the car as well.
The young man was among at least four other friends who might have felt obligated to defend him. I gradually and in the most un-threatening manner tried to post myself between the now heated foes. Several lude and course words were exchanged. Eventually we returned to the car and no blows were exchanged.
V said it best "Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there?"
Words have power, but only if used properly. And a mis-used word can gain power if the listener grants that power. To call me a mother-fucker is not an insult, it's just a flawed observation.
- I am not a mother.
- I am certainly not a fucker of mothers (mine or anyone else's).
- I didn't turn into a mother-fucker because he said so.
- And even if I were, it would have been a life I chose for myself, and I would probably not be ashamed of it.
- And even if I were ashamed of it the insult would then be a call to right myself and stop being a mother-fucker.
Notice how none of these options require a lude response or harsh action on my part ... unless I believed it.
Let's asume I am a mother-fucker and he has exposed it to the world. Do I really have to take him down for it??? You can give into retaliation and vengeance if you want to for the sake of your pride, but that's exactly what you end up doing. YOU are giving in to YOUR retaliation and exacting YOUR vengeance for the sake of YOUR pride. Notice how your reasoning doesn't even envolve them, it's all you.
So when the ignorant youth called my friend a slut. The only thing that needs to happen is a single thought process. "I know who I am. The statement is erroneous and spoken by someone without standing to make any such observation. Therefore the statement has no weight, application, or consequence. I will ignore it."
Same thing for when the husband hears it. "Well I know my wife quite well and I know she's not a slut. That unfortunate drunk clearly doesn't know what he's talking about and he needs to get over himself."
When I heard it, my response was "Who are they? And who cares?" Call me simplistic, but if some moron told me that Watermelons are blue on the inside until you cut the skin, I'm not going to spend time and effort trying to prove them wrong. I'm just going to enjoy my Watermelon.
To put it another way, there is no point in defending your honor before someone so ignorant that they failed to respect you in the first place. Your time would be better spent teaching Shakespeare to the illiterate.
What I am getting at is that we can be imune to offenses so long as we know, value and appreciate our own worth. Once that is achieved, the greatest of insults becomes nothing more than a simple uninformed statement; the babbling of an idiot.
Some of you might ask, "Well what about my reputation?" As I said before, what is being said wis either correct or incorrect. If it is incorrect, you can ignore it. If it is correct, then you need to fix yourself. As for them, they are going to say what they are going to say anyway, and others who are just as ignorant will listen to them. There is only one way to change that ... and it is not your first instinct.
When I was in 1st grade I hurt a little girl who I thought had insulted me. I don't remember if the insult (I thought) I heard was about my pale skin, my bad eye-sight, or because I was new to the school. Whatever it was, I would MAKE her understand not to insult me again (if she ever did in the first place). Whatever peace I bought with that act of violence wasn't worth the guilt I felt for several months. Besides, I had now given her and her friends something very real and very negative to say about me; that I was mean.
I was wrong. And even if I was right, I was wrong to do what I did. I wish I could say that I learned my lesson then, but I didn't. I hurt plenty of people growing up with the things that I said and did. And in doing so I gave then licence to do the same onto others, which I'm sure they did. We've all done it, and we can do it again. ... But we don't have to.
If you fight fire with fire all our houses burn down, and our pride will not rebuild them. But if you fight fire with water, you can save your house, fix the few bits which were damaged (if any) and go on with your life. Keep your walls wet and they'll resist the flames should they ever return. Teach your friends, neighbors, and especially your children to do the same.
This vicious cycle can only end if we decide to be different from those who would harm us. Jesus said that we are to love our enemies, because if we don't take that extra step, we are no different than they are.
I'll remind my Christian brothers and sisters that we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God, and that the wages of sin is death. We are saved from damnation, not because we deserve it, but because our Father chose to overlook our ignorance and give us a chance to be better than we are. And if we say "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" we damn ourselves if we do anything but forgive them.
For my brothers and sisters of other faiths, or who are unsure of the powers that be, I invite you to find your own reasons to believe that we can be better than those who wish to tear us down. Give them reasons and opportunities to see their ignorance and embrase any apology. We cannot expect our leaders to peace with other nations if we do not seek it for ourselves. We must learn to live together, or die alone.
As for that young man, I genuinely hope that the rest of his night was less eventful, that the rest of his days are more peaceful and that the next time we meet we can embrace each other as brothers and good friends.
